When certain beliefs and behaviors are repeated frequently enough they create neurological pathways in the brain, just like laying down grooves in a record. Human history has been dominated by androcentrism (male centeredness). This means that masculine traits tend to be viewed more favorably than feminine traits—particularly at the executive level. This not only gives men an unfair advantage in acquiring leadership opportunities, but it also means that women will often be judged unfairly if they are promoted to senior positions because they will be assessed by androcentric standards.

So how can male leaders create the kind of culture that will allow women to succeed in senior leadership instead of just meeting quotas? It starts with inclusion training that is behavior-based and then supplemented by rigorous follow-up practices designed to change brain chemistry and create new neural pathways. 

Here are five behaviors that require deliberate and continuous practice:

1. Networking – men developing solid working relationships with women, building rapport.
2. Sensitivity – men understanding women’s challenges and concerns.
3. Calibration – recognizing the complementary nature of gender differences, and accommodating a female perspective.
4. Advocacy – supporting individual women leaders (publicly and privately).
5. Expectancy – showing confidence in the capabilities of women.

Let’s try and visualize what this would look like in real-life situations: 

• A male executive is listening more intently to a female colleague instead of reflexively dismissing her perspective because it challenges his own. His typical “I don’t think that will work” is replaced by “that’s a novel idea, tell me more.”
• A female VP of Operations, new to her role has the courage to speak up about unfair practices she notices on the manufacturing team because the male COO she reports to continually tells her that he has her back no matter what. 
• The CIO no longer agrees with his male colleagues when they call the Director of IT ‘bossy’ and ‘pushy’. Now he tries to point out how unfair that is because men who act the same way are praised for being confident and assertive.

When senior leaders truly eliminate gender bias the results are a massive expansion of the leadership pipeline, and a higher rate of success for women executives. If you want to have a more gender-inclusive boardroom, it begins with some restructuring of the brain. 

How is it possible to not panic when you are facing potential disaster? The answer: brain chemistry, and knowing what brings happiness.

The majority of Americans today (myself included) have had it so good, for so long, that it is easy to associate happiness with favorable circumstances. This was not true for many of our parents, grandparents, and distant ancestors. Many of them had hard lives. They worked difficult jobs for meager pay. Compared to us, they had next to nothing. They had to contend with world wars and economic depression. They lived very simple lives on very meager incomes. What we need right now is to remember what they knew, and that is how to find wellbeing in the midst of adversity.

Research has concluded that happiness is much more about activities rather than circumstances—activities that stimulate the production of certain positive neurochemicals. I would like to recommend three of my favorite activities that have been clinically proven to increase wellbeing (in spite of circumstances): 

1) LIVE IN THE MOMENT – It may sound cliché, but it can change your life. Many people live in the past, brooding over bad things that happened to them weeks, months, or years ago. Many people live in the future, worrying about bad things that could happen to them down the road.  Those who have learned to stay in the present greatly reduce their cortisol levels. It doesn’t mean they ignore the past or the future. They learn from what has happened and they plan for what’s ahead, but they don’t ruminate or dwell on what is simply in their imagination (past disappointments or future fears). They focus on what is real and what is in front of them—right here, right now. Meditation (mindfulness) can be a wonderful way to learn to live in the moment. The simple practice of focusing on your breath and curiously noticing your thoughts for ten minutes a day can profoundly change your sense of wellbeing.

2) SAVOR THE GOOD – Thousands of wonderful things happen to us every day, and yet we can be so consumed by our to-do list and our cares and worries that we don’t even notice them. Savoring the good means hitting the pause button and taking in the beauty, the joy, and the love that surrounds us. If we want those good things to have the maximum benefit on our neurochemistry, then we need to savor them for about five seconds to allow them to download into our memory banks. Fully engage your five senses. Stop and feel the sunshine on your cheek; let that taste of your food linger on your tongue before you swallow it; take time to smell the roses; notice the birds singing, the breeze blowing, the sun setting. Savor the small treasures of life; it will increase your wellbeing—even in hard times.

3) LEAN ON OTHERS – Finally, I think most of us would agree that the greatest source of happiness is relationships. Each time we hug, hold hands, kiss, cuddle, have meaningful conversation—oxytocin is released. Oxytocin is called the “bonding chemical” or the “love molecule.” Most importantly, given the current challenges we are facing, oxytocin has been shown to reduce fear. This is why a hug can calm you down and make you feel safe. And even in this time of “social distancing”, we can get our dose of oxytocin through Skype, FaceTime, Zoom, Marco Polo, or a live chat on Facebook. If there are no humans to bond with, simply petting your dog or cat can bring you comfort. 

Here’s the point. Don’t look for circumstances to bring you happiness. Engage in the right activities and you will reduce fear and increase happiness, even in spite of circumstances.

I am truly ashamed and sorry for the way I (and most of my generation—Boomers) ridiculed others if they did not fit the traditional gender roles. In my childhood and early adulthood, I was surrounded by others continually denouncing people who were LGBT (parents, peers, and society in general). 

The strongest disapproval of course came from church traditions I was a part of back then and their interpretation of a few Bible verses where the word homosexual was mentioned. As a result of this conditioning that same-sex relationships were either wrong or frowned upon, I ended up homophobic – even though that word was not in my vocabulary. That doesn’t mean I was unkind toward those who were gay, but I certainly didn’t accept homosexuality as normal, and I had a negative bias about it. I remember the first time I saw two men kiss in public at a theater in Chicago and how uncomfortable it made me feel.

Four things changed my thinking: 

1. Learning that someone I deeply respected was gay. I took a job as a training manager for a national company and my supervisor was one of the smartest, friendliest and fair-minded people I ever met. After working for him for a year, a co-worker casually said: “you know Frank is gay, don’t you?” I was stunned because it never even dawned on me, and finding out forced me to rethink my biases.
   
   
2. Delivering diversity training and questioning my own assumptions. After a few years teaching others to challenge their preconceptions, I realized I had some of my own that I never submitted to honesty scrutiny. The biggest was assuming homosexuality was a choice and not an orientation. Then I discovered a short video on YouTube. A man with a microphone was stopping people on the street and asking, “So, being gay – do you think people are just born that way or is it a choice?” Many respondents said: “I think it’s a choice.” Then the interviewer said, “Are you gay or straight?” They would answer “Straight”, and he would say “When did you choose to be straight?” The person would then fumble for words like: “Um, well, I didn’t really choose to be straight, it just kind of turned out that way.” He then asked, “Do you think it might be that way for someone who is gay?” It made me rethink my biases once again.
   
   
3. Discovering a persuasive alternative to my religious understanding on the subject. While same-sex intercourse is mentioned in the Bible (quite sparingly), sexual orientation is not – and although the activity referred to is discouraged, it is certainly not referring to two homosexual oriented individuals committed to a lifelong relationship. This understanding helped me realize that being a person of faith does not necessitate being anti-gay.
   
   
4. Becoming good friends with people who don’t share my sexual orientation. By far the most life-changing thing that transformed my heterosexism was getting to know others who were gay, lesbian, and transgender as friends. Not just acquaintances, but genuine friends – where we entered each other’s homes, heard each other’s stories, and shared meals and meaningful conversations. Once that happens you begin to appreciate the kind, loving, and good people they truly are. I once asked my friend, Holly, “What do you wish straight people would understand about being gay?” She replied, “that we are just normal people.” 

I’m so glad attitudes are changing toward same-sex marriage, and that there is a broader acceptance of the LGBT community. Overcoming conditioning and bias can take some work, but it is so worth the effort. And it begins with a willingness to question groupthink and attempting to see things from another point of view.

As I see it, the issue of racism has more to do with white people than people of color. And one of the biggest obstacles in ridding the workplace of discrimination is getting white people to understand what racism really is. Most think that, as long as they don’t harbor any ill will toward people of color, they are not racist. In fact, the standard defense against being a racist is, “I’m not racist, I work with a guy who is African-American and we get along great.” 

Here is what I have learned from being a white diversity trainer for two decades. How I personally treat people of color is only one small form of racism. 

The bigger part of racism refers to an institutionalized system that favors one race over another. This happens when one race has dominance in the power structure and has the authority to make decisions that create certain advantages and disadvantages based on race (economically, politically, and socially). Technically speaking, in American society, only white people can be guilty of true racism. Undoubtedly in Asia, Africa, or South America, it is the other way around. 

What this effectively means is that if you are white in the U.S.A., and you are doing nothing to challenge and reform the system to ensure it is fair for all people of color, you are indirectly being racist (supporting racism by giving tacit approval). Similarly to someone who witnesses any form of abuse but chooses to say nothing, silence is a form of enabling. 

So, what can white people do to stop racism in the workplace?

First, form a close friendship with a person of color. Not just an acquaintance, but a deep camaraderie—get to know them (their concerns, their interests), have them over, become familiar with their culture.

Second, empathize with their point of view. Get to know the issues that matter to them and why. Take them seriously when they talk about profiling, discrimination, and injustice. Be open to your own participation in white privilege. 

Finally, become an advocate every chance you get. Dr. King once said that the bigger tragedy in the struggle for racial equality is “not the vitriolic words and violent actions of bad people, but the appalling silence and indifference of good people.” Systemic racism will never be eradicated until enough people in the majority take the cause of the minority.

Let’s stop fooling ourselves: neutrality is not an option. To do nothing simply perpetuates racism. Earning the right to honestly say, “I’m not a racist” requires thoughtful activism. 

In the United States, 91% say they have faith in something—God, a Higher Power, a spirit world, something more than meets the eye. In rounded percentages, about 70% are Christian, 16% unaffiliated (spiritual but not religious), 2% Jewish, 1% Muslim, 1% Buddhist, 1% Hindu, 4% Agnostic, 3% Atheist, and 1% don’t know.

Each of these worldviews has a different set of beliefs, their own authoritative writings, different rituals and honored days. So where do we start? Well, it is helpful to have a basic understanding of the five major religions—it is part of being culturally competent. We can do this by attending services of other religions, building friendships, asking questions, and engaging in some form of inter-faith dialogue (online or with a local group).

It also includes having an understanding of why some people choose to opt out of traditional religion altogether (atheists, agnostics, and the unaffiliated). This exploration of other perspectives does not require changing your own religious affiliation or convictions (or lack thereof)—it is simply for awareness and understanding, and to gain greater cultural competence, so you can connect better with coworkers and customers.

After a lifetime of knowing very little about other religions, and having no regular inter-faith dialogue, my wife and I attended an inter-faith Thanksgiving service in 2009. It was eye-opening and life-changing. We realized that, up to that point, we were tragically ignorant about what other faith traditions believed (which is true of about 92% of Americans). We had many false ideas and a lot of stereotypical perceptions about Hindus, Jews, Buddhists, Muslims, and the non-religious (and vice versa).

By 2010, we were actively involved in an online inter-faith group (which also included people of no faith), whom we have stayed connected with ever since. The amazing thing is how much we have in common—a longing to connect with something greater; love of family; strong moral values; and commitment to peace, justice, compassion, and mutual understanding. When it’s not about trying to convert others or debate our differences, and it is strictly about learning and building friendships, it is amazing how transformative it can be.

How does this help in the workplace? Overcoming ignorance, fear, and bias, makes us more comfortable interacting with customers and coworkers who operate from a completely different belief system and set of cultural norms. We learn to appreciate the differences rather than be annoyed by them. We are better equipped to connect and show respect and understanding for different worldviews, traditions, dress, customs, etc.

It also teaches us to live by the Platinum Rule (which is a multicultural spin on the Golden Rule): “Treat others the way they want to be treated.” When we learn to appreciate and honor someone’s core convictions, we will more easily connect with them at a deeper level, and it forms the beginning of mutual respect and loyalty. I have seen this firsthand, and it is powerful.

If you would like to learn more, I have a lot of great ideas and would love to chat with you about how to start an online forum; or, if you are interested, RDR Group also offers a free half-day pilot on “Religious Diversity in the Workplace.” Please connect with Rich at rich.brandt@rdrgroup.com.

It has to do with creating an emotional connection. When customers form emotional attachments with the people who work at a particular place of business—because they consistently treat them with respect and kindness—they go from rationally satisfied customers to emotionally satisfied customers. Studies show that, once that happens, they are willing to drive a few more miles and even pay a few more dollars to do business with you over a competitor. That’s because decisions people make about what they buy and where they buy are largely driven by emotions, not logic.

Buying goods or services is not just a financial transaction anymore—it’s a psychological experience. Have you ever wondered why people spend 2-3 times as much money for coffee at Starbucks when they could buy a decent cup of coffee at McDonald’s? At Starbucks, it’s an experience—it’s the chrome and wood trim, it’s the sound of that cappuccino steamer with jazz music in the background. You can read a book in an easy chair, buy the New York Times and catch up on the news, or connect your laptop to WiFi and surf the net. And you can order drinks that make you feel like you’re speaking another language (“grande latte macchiato”). It just feels cool and trendy at Starbucks.

There is an area of the brain called the limbic system—it is the emotional center. When something gets in your limbic system and you form an emotional attachment, you become fiercely loyal to that object even when it makes no rational sense. Over time, you actually form addictions to certain brands that have little or no logical explanation—they’re driven primarily by emotion. Companies know if they can get in your limbic system, you will be hooked. This is why some people always buy Skippy, others Peter Pan; or some always choose Coke, others Pepsi. Not because the products are that different, but because they have emotional memories wrapped up with the brand. Did you know Bloomingdales’ uses scents in the air like baby powder to trigger happy emotions, and used car dealerships spray the interiors of their vehicles with a “new car smell” just to trigger your limbic system?

So, the goal of your business should not just be to do a great job, but to get in their limbic system; not just to rationally satisfy your customers, but to make sure they are also emotionally satisfied. The former can easily be persuaded to go elsewhere, the latter are fiercely loyal. Our workshop “Beyond Service Excellence” looks at four key opportunities to make or break the emotional connection with customers: attitude, communication, performance, and service failures.

If you’re interested in learning more about this program, please contact us at RDR Group for a free, no pressure consultation.

Of course, the first hurdle is overcoming denial—because nobody thinks they’re part of the problem. Surveys show that 97% of the population view themselves as trustworthy, which tends to contradict our personal experiences. In fact, other surveys paint an entirely different picture. 96% of Americans admit to lying occasionally, 86% say they’ve falsified facts on their resume, 75% have stolen something from work at least once, 60% admit to cheating on tests, and 40% have lied about being sick in the last 12 months.

In spite of these facts, nearly every person we work with (97%) thinks they’re trustworthy. Now, here’s the irony: 80% say they “can’t trust other people.” There is obviously a huge disparity between how people perceive themselves and how they perceive others.

This is why solving the trust problem begins with coming out of denial. We have to admit that, regardless of how trustworthy we think we are, chances are very good others view us differently. In past generations, people trusted others until they did something that proved they were untrustworthy. Today it’s just the opposite: people distrust others until they do something that proves they are trustworthy. There are certain actions required to earn people’s trust.

Our workshop The Power of Trust identifies three trust-breaking behaviors we need to avoid, and three trust-building behaviors we need to develop in order for others to have confidence in us. Let me take a minute to talk about just one of the trust-breaking behaviors—inconsistency. Inconsistency is a lack of authenticity or dependability, when who we are doesn’t align with who we claim to be. Oftentimes we make the mistake of thinking being untrustworthy is about the big things—boldfaced lying, blatant cheating or betrayal, brazenly taking advantage of others. The truth is, a breakdown in trust usually happens gradually over time, by the accumulation of small infractions rather than a single egregious act (a slow leak rather than a blowout).

Here are the most common examples of inconsistencies (see if you can identify any you are guilty of yourself):

• Over-committing
• Breaking promises
• Covering mistakes
• Withholding information
• Minimizing problems
• Making yourself look good
• Over-inflating figures
• Failing to speak up
• Having double standards
• Changing positions
• Regularly missing deadlines
• Not responding promptly to emails and voicemails
• Talking behind people’s back

These are the kinds of things we need to pay attention to and improve on, if we want others to trust us. Learning to be reliable in the small things is the foundation for high trust relationships—being a person of our word. This involves saying what we mean and meaning what we say. What we are talking about is becoming a person of integrity—which means being whole and unified. No duplicity or disparity between who we claim to be, and who we are. Our actions match our words.

Learning how to earn the trust of others we work with is the most important factor in driving employee engagement. It all begins by recognizing that others perceive us differently than we perceive ourselves, and doing what we need to close the gap. It’s a lifelong endeavor, but worth the effort. To learn more about our workshop The Power of Trust please email me directly at rich.brandt@rdrgroup.com.

Under certain positive conditions, the brain produces chemicals like serotonin, oxytocin, dopamine, and endorphins. The presence of these chemicals will result in a state of well being, accompanied by the ability to focus and stay motivated.

However, under certain negative conditions the brain produces another kind of chemical—it’s called cortisol, also known as the stress hormone. Cortisol depletes or inhibits the production of the positive neurochemicals, which in turn produces a state of mild or severe depression.

So the key to avoiding burnout and restoring morale is creating the right conditions to stimulate healthy brain chemistry by engaging in certain intentional activities. Six of these activities deal with self-management; four deal with relationship management; and two deal with talent management.

Our workshop “Avoiding Burnout and Restoring Morale” looks at all of them, but let me take a minute to talk to you about just one.  The first activity that will stimulate healthy brain chemistry is learning to avoid rumination.

Rumination is the term used for a cow chewing its cud. A cow takes nearly eight hours just to eat and swallow its food. It chews for a while, swallows then regurgitates and chews some more. So when we talk about a person mentally ruminating it is a metaphor for continuously dwelling on a negative thought and obsessing over it.

Maybe we’re worried about a performance review that is a week away, and we keep thinking about it morning, noon and night. Maybe somebody said something in a staff meeting that we found insulting and we keep replaying it in our head like a broken record.  Occasionally we have a hard time concentrating on the task in front of us because our minds are wandering all over the place. This constant dwelling on past slights and future fears can become addictive, which negatively affects your brain chemistry (producing high levels of cortisol).  This not only creates unhappiness and stress, but it can lead to apathy and diminished productivity.

Here are a few tips to help you stop ruminating.

First, “snap out of it”—learn to become aware that we are ruminating in the first place, and then sending a signal to the brain to stop it. Some psychologists suggest wearing a rubber band around your wrist and quite literally snapping it when you catch yourself obsessing over the past or future.

Another thing that may be beneficial is to schedule “worry-time”–giving ourselves permission during a set time (say on the commute home)to ruminate, and then be done with it. This way ruminating only takes up 30 minutes of our day, instead of every waking hour.

And finally, the healthiest way to stop ruminating is to learn to stay in the present moment. The more we focus on the present, the less we have the mental capacity to think about the past or the future. This involves awareness and mindfulness—paying attention to what you are doing in the moment. Practicing meditation can really help you achieve this.

If you’re interested in learning more about how to avoid rumination (and the other activities that science says leads to well-being and higher levels of motivation), I encourage you to consider our training program “Avoiding Burnout & Restoring Morale”.

*Gallup’s State of the American Workplace 2017

Everybody loves a comeback story—whether it’s in sports, the movies, or real life—where somebody overcomes adversity, beats the odds and snatches victory from defeat. It usually comes down to a defining moment when everything is on the line, and they quietly tell themselves “I got this”.

But the ability to bounce back from catastrophic situations is not typical for most people. Why do some people stay positive and persist, while others get overwhelmed and give up? There is a science to recovering from setbacks—it’s called resilience—the mental and emotional toughness to adapt to unexpected circumstances and prevail over misfortune.

It isn’t that resilient people don’t feel stress; they simply learn how to control it and redirect their energy. I remember when the economy crashed in 2008 and many of our clients were cancelling business because of drastically reduced budgets. It was a frightening time, but we realized if we dwelt on the fear, it would destroy our motivation just when we needed it most. Because we never lost hope, we not only survived the downturn, we came out of it stronger than before. You’ve probably had similar experiences. But how does one maintain a resilient attitude as a lifestyle?

Characteristics of Resilience

Several prominent medical institutions have studied this question and in reviewing their findings, here are the most common characteristics of resilient people:

• Taking Ownership — Adopting an internal locus of control, instead of blaming others or feeling helpless.
• Emotional Regulation —Learning how to stay calm during a crisis and not ruminate on the negative.
• Remaining Optimistic — Believing you can achieve a positive outcome in spite of obstacles and setbacks.
• Leaning on Others —Developing a strong network of support to help you process emotions and give you feedback.

Developing an Internal Locus of Control

The good news is these qualities can be developed with practice. Take the first characteristic of ownership, for instance. This mindset is acquired by paying attention to how you explain your unhappiness. Do you blame circumstances, other people, or fate? Is it someone else’s fault you are depressed, angry, or anxious? When we believe something outside of ourselves is responsible for our mental and emotional state, we are operating from an “external locus of control”. In other words, we believe something or someone else has control over us—we are effectively powerless.

But people who are resilient don’t complain, they strategize and make a plan; they don’t wait for things to happen, they make things happen. If they encounter obstacles, they figure out ways to navigate them. They take ownership of their attitude—their thoughts, emotions, and behavior. That’s what it means to have an internal locus of control

So try this simple strategy. When things don’t go your way, stop asking “why me?” and start asking, “what can I do about my situation to make it better?” Don’t blame others, instead take ownership, and tell yourself, “I got this”.

Despite their achievements they are paid significantly less than players on the U.S. Men’s Soccer Team–who didn’t even qualify for the last World Cup. When they won the game fans weren’t chanting “U-S-A”, they were chanting “Equal Pay”.

After the first round of the Democratic presidential debates, all the headlines agreed: women dominated and took center stage. It is anybody’s guess whether a woman will once again become the nominee, but one thing is for sure—women are no longer taking a back seat to men. Yet, only 45% of men say they are comfortable with a female president.

This second-class treatment of women in the 21st century is hard to believe, but it is all too common. It not only permeates sports and politics, but also the workplace and society at large. In fact, most people who have populated the planet since recorded history have been affected by a condition called androcentrism – a male centered worldview.

I grew up during the Baby Boom era. My father worked and paid the bills; my mom stayed home and raised kids (like nearly all the other women in the neighborhood). We watched TV shows that reinforced the idea of sharply defined gender roles. The message I heard most of my life was “men are in charge”. So how did I end up a diversity trainer who for the last twenty years has been actively promoting equality for women?

Just like overcoming any bad habit it involved engaging in new behaviors that slowly rewire the brain. Here are four simple steps that can make that happen:

1) First, realize that gender norms are relative and arbitrary, not absolute.

The expectations and standards for gender norms change with each generation, and from country to country. The majority of them are not a right and wrong type of thing.

2) Second, recognize the intelligence, wisdom and achievements of women.

At the high school level females tend to have higher grades, take more advanced classes and make up 70% of valedictorians. The majority of college graduates (at the associate, bachelors, graduate and post-graduate levels) are women.

3) Third, acknowledge the discrimination and inequity faced by women.

In spite of the undeniable demonstration in the recent past of their equal intelligence and capabilities, women still regularly go unrecognized and unrewarded in the workplace. They are usually paid less, promoted less, and are given fewer opportunities in their assignments and duties. They typically have to work twice as hard to get half the credit.

4) Fourth, become an advocate and actively support women’s issues.

It is not enough to be sympathetic and concerned. We need to be adamant, relentless, unwavering and involved. Stop being a passive bystander, let people know where you stand.

I have learned (and am continuing to learn) to overcome my androcentrism. You can too. As a society we will only be half as good as we could be, if we fail to give women equal standing, equal pay, an equal voice and equal control (which means positions of leadership and decision making). These changes (which are so long overdue), are not just for the benefit of women, but for the benefit of humanity. I speak from experience. Listening to women has made me a better man, so if more of us did the same, I am convinced it would be a better world.