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When certain beliefs and behaviors are repeated frequently enough they create neurological pathways in the brain, just like laying down grooves in a record. Human history has been dominated by androcentrism (male centeredness). This means that masculine traits tend to be viewed more favorably than feminine traits—particularly at the executive level. This not only gives men an unfair advantage in acquiring leadership opportunities, but it also means that women will often be judged unfairly if they are promoted to senior positions because they will be assessed by androcentric standards.

So how can male leaders create the kind of culture that will allow women to succeed in senior leadership instead of just meeting quotas? It starts with inclusion training that is behavior-based and then supplemented by rigorous follow-up practices designed to change brain chemistry and create new neural pathways. 

Here are five behaviors that require deliberate and continuous practice:

1. Networking – men developing solid working relationships with women, building rapport.
2. Sensitivity – men understanding women’s challenges and concerns.
3. Calibration – recognizing the complementary nature of gender differences, and accommodating a female perspective.
4. Advocacy – supporting individual women leaders (publicly and privately).
5. Expectancy – showing confidence in the capabilities of women.

Let’s try and visualize what this would look like in real-life situations: 

• A male executive is listening more intently to a female colleague instead of reflexively dismissing her perspective because it challenges his own. His typical “I don’t think that will work” is replaced by “that’s a novel idea, tell me more.”
• A female VP of Operations, new to her role has the courage to speak up about unfair practices she notices on the manufacturing team because the male COO she reports to continually tells her that he has her back no matter what. 
• The CIO no longer agrees with his male colleagues when they call the Director of IT ‘bossy’ and ‘pushy’. Now he tries to point out how unfair that is because men who act the same way are praised for being confident and assertive.

When senior leaders truly eliminate gender bias the results are a massive expansion of the leadership pipeline, and a higher rate of success for women executives. If you want to have a more gender-inclusive boardroom, it begins with some restructuring of the brain. 

There’s never been a time when connecting “inclusively” has been more critical for the planet, since so many in our world are now separated. For the first time in history, the vast majority of Americans are following “shelter-in-place” protocols, which are forcing us to physically disconnect from one another. Fortunately, this doesn’t mean we can’t interact in what we might call “virtual” ways—and from a sociological perspective, it is absolutely essential that we do. It is so important to be there for one another through this crisis, and it is the only way we will all get through successfully. At the same time, however, unconscious bias pulls us in the opposite direction—causing many to be left out and unfairly impacted, when we just stop to think about it.

We Tend To Stand Apart

Let’s be honest—a global pandemic is horrific. And when people are operating from a place of fear, they tend to hunker down and think narrowly, because they’re threatened. This is why many are guilty of hoarding at the grocery store and focusing only on themselves, even though it may not be characteristic of them under normal conditions. But what are the diversity implications when we separate and divide? Well, we’re watching it play out in front of us on a large scale (even though it’s happening all the time), where certain population groups end up more vulnerable. People of color, older people, those with disabilities, less education, fewer resources and opportunities—to name just a few less-advantaged groups—are the ones being hit the hardest. So, if we only think of ourselves and forget to think inclusively, these social disparities will tear us apart when we need to stand together. How can we do this when we’re “social distancing”?

We Can Stay Connected Virtually For Now

Even though we have to follow healthy practices at the moment, it doesn’t mean we can’t reach out in other ways—there are plenty of choices for staying connected while staying safe. One option is to use technology (FaceTime, Skype, email, call, text) that allows us to connect and include. We can even interact at a distance of six feet and through masks when necessary. Here are a few suggestions:  

• Be intentional about selecting someone to connect with. We might think we are naturally inclusive, but being deliberate and focused is best.
• Be more inclusive in your choice of connections. Ask yourself who in your workgroup, your neighborhood, your circle of acquaintances might be feeling left out or less advantaged (it might be a new person, a single person, someone ethnically diverse or with fewer resources). 
• Be faithful checking in, offering support and friendship where you can. If it’s a work relationship, see if you can help with anything; if it’s an older neighbor maybe you can get extra milk at the store to leave on their porch or just give them a call once a week.  

If each of us were to reach out to just one person less included or less privileged than us—the whole world could be connected. This is not a time to fend for ourselves, it is time to care for one another. If you want to learn more about “Practicing Virtual Inclusion” for you or your workplace, ask about arranging a free preview of our online instructor-led course.

How is it possible to not panic when you are facing potential disaster? The answer: brain chemistry, and knowing what brings happiness.

The majority of Americans today (myself included) have had it so good, for so long, that it is easy to associate happiness with favorable circumstances. This was not true for many of our parents, grandparents, and distant ancestors. Many of them had hard lives. They worked difficult jobs for meager pay. Compared to us, they had next to nothing. They had to contend with world wars and economic depression. They lived very simple lives on very meager incomes. What we need right now is to remember what they knew, and that is how to find wellbeing in the midst of adversity.

Research has concluded that happiness is much more about activities rather than circumstances—activities that stimulate the production of certain positive neurochemicals. I would like to recommend three of my favorite activities that have been clinically proven to increase wellbeing (in spite of circumstances): 

1) LIVE IN THE MOMENT – It may sound cliché, but it can change your life. Many people live in the past, brooding over bad things that happened to them weeks, months, or years ago. Many people live in the future, worrying about bad things that could happen to them down the road.  Those who have learned to stay in the present greatly reduce their cortisol levels. It doesn’t mean they ignore the past or the future. They learn from what has happened and they plan for what’s ahead, but they don’t ruminate or dwell on what is simply in their imagination (past disappointments or future fears). They focus on what is real and what is in front of them—right here, right now. Meditation (mindfulness) can be a wonderful way to learn to live in the moment. The simple practice of focusing on your breath and curiously noticing your thoughts for ten minutes a day can profoundly change your sense of wellbeing.

2) SAVOR THE GOOD – Thousands of wonderful things happen to us every day, and yet we can be so consumed by our to-do list and our cares and worries that we don’t even notice them. Savoring the good means hitting the pause button and taking in the beauty, the joy, and the love that surrounds us. If we want those good things to have the maximum benefit on our neurochemistry, then we need to savor them for about five seconds to allow them to download into our memory banks. Fully engage your five senses. Stop and feel the sunshine on your cheek; let that taste of your food linger on your tongue before you swallow it; take time to smell the roses; notice the birds singing, the breeze blowing, the sun setting. Savor the small treasures of life; it will increase your wellbeing—even in hard times.

3) LEAN ON OTHERS – Finally, I think most of us would agree that the greatest source of happiness is relationships. Each time we hug, hold hands, kiss, cuddle, have meaningful conversation—oxytocin is released. Oxytocin is called the “bonding chemical” or the “love molecule.” Most importantly, given the current challenges we are facing, oxytocin has been shown to reduce fear. This is why a hug can calm you down and make you feel safe. And even in this time of “social distancing”, we can get our dose of oxytocin through Skype, FaceTime, Zoom, Marco Polo, or a live chat on Facebook. If there are no humans to bond with, simply petting your dog or cat can bring you comfort. 

Here’s the point. Don’t look for circumstances to bring you happiness. Engage in the right activities and you will reduce fear and increase happiness, even in spite of circumstances.

Most of us were already anxious about the state of our world when news of the corona-virus suddenly upped the ante—and the resulting panic has impacted everything from the stock market to the price of sanitizer. This increased anxiety seeps into our workplace, our homes, and our schools and becomes a crisis of its own. It is normal to be nervous when we hear bad news, but people have to be sensible in order to manage stressful times successfully. So, how do we find the right balance between caution and overreacting that will enable us to get through this?

The Balancing Act

We have an obligation to act responsibly when it comes to anything that threatens our physical, economic, and psychological well-being. A global outbreak of any disease should be taken seriously, and precautions around the transfer of germs is always a good idea—regardless of the severity of a disease or the likelihood of transmitting it. The danger in these situations is going overboard—and that may be a difficult line to draw. I have a brother who tends to be very low on the “worry scale” and other acquaintances on the high end, but each of us is wired differently. The goal is finding a middle ground where we avoid being so laid back that we become careless or get so worked up that we panic.

Panic Debilitates Outcomes

The most common response during stressful times is nervousness, which can become debilitating because of what it does to us physiologically. Once the fight-or-flight chemical gets released, it activates the limbic brain, where everything is heightened because we feel threatened. Our worries become exaggerated and our thoughts become less rational, which creates a state of panic that will lead to bad outcomes for any business, society, or family. Customers might be edgier, co-workers more distracted, and people might avoid attending meetings, going to school, traveling, or going to restaurants. If fears go unchecked, this may have long-term economic consequences. How do we manage this? 

Calm Facilitates Success

The only way to combat anxiety is to “force calm” on the stress that surrounds us—for our own sake, our loved ones, our teams, and society at large. More than ever, we need mature leaders who can stifle the flow of cortisol in themselves and others by utilizing the more developed part of our brains called the frontal lobe. This is where we regulate our responses instead of simply reacting, and it enables us to make smart decisions with regard to matters that concern us. Make no mistake: it takes a lot of work to strengthen the pathways from our emotional to our thinking brain; but here are some tips from our training on Developing Resilience. When you or the people around you start stressing:

1. Stop the downward spiral by forcing calm. Catch your breath (literally) and try repeating phrases like “stay calm,” “keep it together,” “don’t panic.” Take a break from watching the news or going on social media, and instead play a game or listen to music.
2. Keep perspective by framing events in a larger context and staying grounded. This means weeding out distortions in our thinking. More than ever, we need clear thinking in crises. The world is not coming to end and everyone will not die—especially if we act intelligently.
3. Be positive and solution-focused. Human beings are incredibly resilient and have weathered some unbelievable difficulties. The issue with any challenge is figuring out what to do about it.

In this case, we need to keep it together and act wisely without going to extremes. We will definitely get through this, and it will go down easier if we use the mature part of our brain where solutions abound—we just need to stay in our right mind!

I am truly ashamed and sorry for the way I (and most of my generation—Boomers) ridiculed others if they did not fit the traditional gender roles. In my childhood and early adulthood, I was surrounded by others continually denouncing people who were LGBT (parents, peers, and society in general). 

The strongest disapproval of course came from church traditions I was a part of back then and their interpretation of a few Bible verses where the word homosexual was mentioned. As a result of this conditioning that same-sex relationships were either wrong or frowned upon, I ended up homophobic – even though that word was not in my vocabulary. That doesn’t mean I was unkind toward those who were gay, but I certainly didn’t accept homosexuality as normal, and I had a negative bias about it. I remember the first time I saw two men kiss in public at a theater in Chicago and how uncomfortable it made me feel.

Four things changed my thinking: 

1. Learning that someone I deeply respected was gay. I took a job as a training manager for a national company and my supervisor was one of the smartest, friendliest and fair-minded people I ever met. After working for him for a year, a co-worker casually said: “you know Frank is gay, don’t you?” I was stunned because it never even dawned on me, and finding out forced me to rethink my biases.
   
   
2. Delivering diversity training and questioning my own assumptions. After a few years teaching others to challenge their preconceptions, I realized I had some of my own that I never submitted to honesty scrutiny. The biggest was assuming homosexuality was a choice and not an orientation. Then I discovered a short video on YouTube. A man with a microphone was stopping people on the street and asking, “So, being gay – do you think people are just born that way or is it a choice?” Many respondents said: “I think it’s a choice.” Then the interviewer said, “Are you gay or straight?” They would answer “Straight”, and he would say “When did you choose to be straight?” The person would then fumble for words like: “Um, well, I didn’t really choose to be straight, it just kind of turned out that way.” He then asked, “Do you think it might be that way for someone who is gay?” It made me rethink my biases once again.
   
   
3. Discovering a persuasive alternative to my religious understanding on the subject. While same-sex intercourse is mentioned in the Bible (quite sparingly), sexual orientation is not – and although the activity referred to is discouraged, it is certainly not referring to two homosexual oriented individuals committed to a lifelong relationship. This understanding helped me realize that being a person of faith does not necessitate being anti-gay.
   
   
4. Becoming good friends with people who don’t share my sexual orientation. By far the most life-changing thing that transformed my heterosexism was getting to know others who were gay, lesbian, and transgender as friends. Not just acquaintances, but genuine friends – where we entered each other’s homes, heard each other’s stories, and shared meals and meaningful conversations. Once that happens you begin to appreciate the kind, loving, and good people they truly are. I once asked my friend, Holly, “What do you wish straight people would understand about being gay?” She replied, “that we are just normal people.” 

I’m so glad attitudes are changing toward same-sex marriage, and that there is a broader acceptance of the LGBT community. Overcoming conditioning and bias can take some work, but it is so worth the effort. And it begins with a willingness to question groupthink and attempting to see things from another point of view.

I was recently invited to speak at a college commencement, where I asked the audience to consider three pivotal questions: what does the future hold, what do you want from it, and how do you get it? Those are daunting questions—but I promised to provide the correct answers because I consulted a “fortune teller!” Not the kind who wears a turban and gazes into a crystal ball, but one of those paper devices we made in grade school where you would put your fingers inside to move it back and forth for your prediction. It would tell you who you were going to marry, what car you would drive, what you would be when you grew up, and where you would live. Obviously, vital information when you are still in grade school!

What The Future Holds For You

It is probably no surprise, but the fortune teller’s forecast for my life could not have been more wrong. I am not playing in the NFL, living in Hawaii, or driving a Mustang; but the fortune teller did ultimately teach me how to read the future—for me, for those students, and for you. Here goes: the future will be unlike anything you ever imagined, because it is filled with variables you cannot control. In other words, your future consists of constant changes, and if you don’t learn to manage them effectively—you will have difficulties. I challenge you to print this article and pin it on the wall where you might see it in a few years. I bet you will look back from that vantage point and realize I was right about your future—it involved changes you never expected.

What You Really Want From Your Future

I know it seems bold to suggest I not only know someone’s future but also know what they want from their future—but keep in mind, I consulted the fortune teller. You see, deep inside that paper device when you opened up the last flaps, there was one question of supreme importance: would you be “happy or sad”? Even a grade school kid knows that was all that mattered. What good is having everything you want without happiness? So, that’s the answer to what you want from your future—it’s happiness (contentment or a sense of well-being)—it’s what we all want. Which means the last question is the most important of all: how do we get it? 

How You Can Get What You Want

If our futures are filled with unexpected changes and we want to be happy, there’s only one way to achieve that goal: learn to develop something called resilience, which is the ability to adapt and stay positive. In our training called Developing Resilience, we tell participants it’s not the events in our future that matter, because we can’t control what happens to us. The key is how we process those events, because we do have control over how we respond and how we frame things. If you want 2020 to be the best year yet, remember the unexpected is in the forecast; and if happiness is important to you—it’s all about maintaining a healthy perspective.

As I see it, the issue of racism has more to do with white people than people of color. And one of the biggest obstacles in ridding the workplace of discrimination is getting white people to understand what racism really is. Most think that, as long as they don’t harbor any ill will toward people of color, they are not racist. In fact, the standard defense against being a racist is, “I’m not racist, I work with a guy who is African-American and we get along great.” 

Here is what I have learned from being a white diversity trainer for two decades. How I personally treat people of color is only one small form of racism. 

The bigger part of racism refers to an institutionalized system that favors one race over another. This happens when one race has dominance in the power structure and has the authority to make decisions that create certain advantages and disadvantages based on race (economically, politically, and socially). Technically speaking, in American society, only white people can be guilty of true racism. Undoubtedly in Asia, Africa, or South America, it is the other way around. 

What this effectively means is that if you are white in the U.S.A., and you are doing nothing to challenge and reform the system to ensure it is fair for all people of color, you are indirectly being racist (supporting racism by giving tacit approval). Similarly to someone who witnesses any form of abuse but chooses to say nothing, silence is a form of enabling. 

So, what can white people do to stop racism in the workplace?

First, form a close friendship with a person of color. Not just an acquaintance, but a deep camaraderie—get to know them (their concerns, their interests), have them over, become familiar with their culture.

Second, empathize with their point of view. Get to know the issues that matter to them and why. Take them seriously when they talk about profiling, discrimination, and injustice. Be open to your own participation in white privilege. 

Finally, become an advocate every chance you get. Dr. King once said that the bigger tragedy in the struggle for racial equality is “not the vitriolic words and violent actions of bad people, but the appalling silence and indifference of good people.” Systemic racism will never be eradicated until enough people in the majority take the cause of the minority.

Let’s stop fooling ourselves: neutrality is not an option. To do nothing simply perpetuates racism. Earning the right to honestly say, “I’m not a racist” requires thoughtful activism.